Yes, this is an actual television show. It airs on Animal Planet.
You mean Syfy Network?
No. Animal Planet.
Freaking ANIMAL PLANET!
Being a dad now, I don’t get much time to myself anymore, so when I put my son down for a nap, I either nap too or I try get the most out of my time with the things I want to do. Sometimes, though, I just want to veg out and watch some TV while I get a little break here and there.
I was scrolling through my channel guide while the little guy was napping, and saw this program on the listing. I thought to myself, ”Cool, someone found a large weird looking mutated dead animal and now scientists and animal experts are trying to find out what kind of animal it really is and what happened to it.” Let’s watch!
I flipped to it. I watched. I processed. I was fooled.
Boy, was I fooled. This couldn’t be more than a one time silly show just for fun, peppered into a lineup of educational programming, right?
Finding Bigfoot is not only an entire series, it has four effing seasons filled with footage of four lunatics that spend their waking lives trying to find Chewbacca in the flesh.
Did the big shots at Animal Planet think there wasn’t enough buzz surrounding Bigfoot, and that this show is exactly what the people needed to regain interest? Apparently so, because sadly this train wreck of a program is wildly popular.
From what I gather, a few self-proclaimed Bigfoot experts go around interviewing backwoods rednecks that obviously just want to get paid for being on TV. Every last one of these hillbillies say they believe for certain that Bigfoot lives in their neck of the woods. Easily convinced, the crew believes every word and decides to set up a base in the middle of nowhere, where they proceed to shout arbitrary Bigfoot-friendly calls into the woods in hopes of luring the beast from its habitat. For never actually seeing or hearing Bigfoot, they sure seem to think they know exactly how to make contact with it.
“I think I hear something. It’s calling out to us.”
“I’ll call back to it (makes random Cookie-Monster sound).”
“Crap, I saw a tree branch move. We must have scared it off.”
Well guys, while the dog howling in the distance, and the squirrel rustling the leaves on the ground are damn convincing evidence of Bigfoot, he’s not out there. Ever. I imagine this show could go on until the end of time (which HAS to be sooner than later with “educational” shows such as this littering the television) without these idiots finding anything.
But people will continue to watch, hooked on every gut-wrenching moment, in hopes of a few dudes just as qualified to find the Easter Bunny (which I still say is real, no matter what mom says) getting that groundbreaking blurry footage of a human sized fur covered beast moseying about the wilderness.
Nap time wasted.